marriage divorce
AS A CHILD OF
Michael Johnson watched his parents' marriage fall apart when he was only ten years old. Now, ten years later, he carries the lessons he learned into his own marriage.
“Your dad is two years sober now.”
Michael reached out to his dad almost immediately. After years of silence, they were able to sit down and have an honest conversation about what happened nearly a decade before. Chad was now a much worldlier man but a jollier one. This was the dad that Michael remembered from his early childhood, the dad that Michael thought he lost. Chad told his son about his failed marriage, apologizing for his part.
This vulnerability astounded Michael. Finally, he felt safe enough to tell someone about what he was facing at home. Chad’s heart was broken for his son, and Michael’s was broken for his mom, but the two were finally reconciled.
Michael moved in with his dad. He knew his mom would be upset, but he would still be close enough to keep an eye on her, and his dad's house was much closer to the school that would let him play basketball.
That summer, he started working at a nearby coffee shop. It was almost liberating for him to know that his relationship with his mom’s side of the family was officially fractured. For years, he had felt abandoned by them. But now, he knew they were spinning the same story they spun about his dad.
College was a welcome distraction. Between work, girls, and basketball, Michael was not left with enough time to dwell on his pain. He was beginning to heal. One night, he went to spend some time with a girl he barely knew, but he had been flirting with the idea of her for a couple weeks. He had no idea that her roommate would be his future wife.
Within two months, Michael knew he was in love. He was already close with her family, and it made him want her to be close with his. Introducing her to his mom helped him take that first step toward reconciliation.
Every side of Michael’s family realized that this girl was the one. They saw how much happier she made him. They saw how much she loved him. They saw how much he had finally healed. Just before their two year anniversary, he knew he was ready.
“Your dad left us.”
That was the only explanation 10-year-old Michael would receive. It was up to him to fill in the blanks.
In the months following, Mike tried to keep up a relationship with his dad, but Chad's descent into alcoholism was too much for any child to watch. Mike recalls that after a while, he felt like he needed to prioritize finding his own sense of stability. He focused on his social life, school sports, and his part-time job.
When Michael was 14, Chad called to let his son know that he was breaking his biggest promise. Chad was remarrying, and he wanted Michael as his best man. The hole Mike punched in the wall is still in his childhood bedroom. Mike stood by his dad that day, but the weekends at Chad's house became fewer and farther between. Eventually, Michael stopped making time for his dad.
With his dad gone, Michael felt a responsibility to be the man of the house. Stress caused his mom’s health to rapidly deteriorate. Boxed wine was her medicine of choice. Right before Mike's senior year of high school, she got hooked on painkillers after a back surgery. He took care of her.
At 17 years old, Michael went to a concert with his mom and his girlfriend. Too early in the evening, he had to carry his inebriated mother out of the venue. She will never know about the verbal and emotional abuse he suffered because she will never remember those nights. He started working long hours after school, only to escape to the gym afterward. To avoid his mom, Mike stayed out of the house as much as possible until he graduated high school.
Now, he was met with a choice: accept a football scholarship three states away or pursue a basketball scholarship close to home. He had already signed to play football for Hastings College, but his conscience would never let him abandon his mom. Still, he knew he could not keep living in the same household for much longer.
By chance, he ran into one of his dad's Alcoholics Anonymous buddies.
"Dad, we're getting married."
Michael told his dad first. Chad was immediately thrilled for his son and future daughter-in-law.
Soon after, Ashley called to check on her son. Mike wanted to tell her in person, but she could tell he was hiding something. She wrestled the news out of him, and she was overjoyed.
Both parents separately supported and encouraged Michael. They avoided speaking to each other, and the family photo session was painfully awkward.
Still, they all celebrated together. They came together again as one family, recognizing how much Mike had grown into a man ready for marriage.
Meanwhile, Michael became fully aware of the task he was undertaking. At only 20, he signed himself up for a care-taking role. His future was now overtaken by this responsibility, and he knew that someday soon, he and his wife would start a family of their own.
He grew up too fast, but he felt that made him mature enough to handle this decision. He felt that he knew the difference between love and commitment. He learned from his own parents’ mistakes.
In front of all his friends and family, he promised himself and his new wife that he would do better.